I've tried the prayers. Reading the bible, and doing the things I was told would help me develop my faith. And while part of me wants to believe in something beyond the purely rational universe that operates under a set of predefined rules, I have a difficult time trusting in the words of men.
The First cause and Problem of Infinite Regress:
I will grant that the universe does not make sense from a purely causative perspective. When one asks how a thing happened and gets an answer, the answer becomes another question. The Big Bang theory for example cannot be proven because no matter how far one drills down, we need a cause for something else. General relativity suggests the universe consisted of an infinitely dense singularity, but now we need to ask what caused the singularity? Using such reasoning, we can conclude that the cause of anything is not knowable, because it's impossible to establish the first cause. For the first cause must also have a cause, and thus causality must be infinite, or something from outside had to create the universe. Creationists would say this something was God. But then what created God?
It's possible that our pattern recognition in this case is working against us. We are conditioned to believe that causality is always required. Why do we have to engage in this tail chasing exercise of begets and begotten when reason cannot get us to the beginning? If we have to resort to saying God existed outside of creation, and created the universe, and God always has been, then why can't the universe have always been instead? Why must we involve a creator at all?
God as a cultural construct?
Judaism seems to have branched off from the Canaanite religion. The people who would become the Israelite's / Hebrews worshiped El, Yahweh, and other gods. Yahweh appears to have had the body of a man, human emotions, and a wife named Asherah. Over time, Yahweh absorbed El, the two merging into the same deity. By the time of the Judges and Monarchy, the Israelite's were increasingly worshiping Yahweh as their chief god. During the divided kingdom period, they saw Yahweh as their national god but didn’t deny the existence of others. It’s not until sometime between their exile to Babylon and the building of the Second Temple that the Israelite's began to worship Yahweh as the one true god.
The Nordic and Greek peoples had their own gods and stories about how the world was created. In fact nearly every people on earth had their own gods and creation myths, many of them very distinct from each-other. If humanity really came from the god of Israel, why would everyone have forgotten their creator and how they came to be? Why does every god seem to reflect the people and culture that created them? Doesn't it seem strange that a loving, fatherly god would ignore 99% of his children, and only talk to a select few among his "chosen people"? And isn't it convenient that the few people who do talk to him, use this privileged position to gain power over the rest of their people, and use God as a justification for whatever they choose to do?
God as justification for war, genocide, and sex slavery?
- Deuteronomy 20:16: "But of the cities of these people, which the Lord thy God doth give thee for an inheritance, thou shalt save alive nothing that breatheth".
- 1 Samuel chapter 15:3: "Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass."
- Numbers 31:17: "Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves."
We have here an old testament god who appears concerned with strict adherence to the law, the conduct of wars, distribution of spoils, ethnic cleansing and racial purity. Contrast him against the New Testament god who we are told loves humanity as a whole, and makes no distinction between people based on ancestry provided they believe in Christ. How can these be the same god?
The Splintering of the Church:
John 14 and 16 speaks of the Holy Spirit testifying to the truth of all things. In Acts chapter 2 the apostles receive the Holy Spirit, yet they had many disagreements (Acts 15, Galatians 2). Today Christianity has split into thousands of sects, many of them claiming to have the Holy Spirit. How can this be when there are so many differences between them? If Christianity possesses the Holy Spirit, should there not be one unified church with a single doctrine?
A Just god?
Then there's the matter of eternal damnation. Jesus spoke of hell more than anyone in the bible. Why would a loving god set up such a system where people who lacked the capacity for faith are tormented forever? And if God knows the future (how else is prophecy possible?), why would he create us to burn? Sending angels to people didn't seem to violate free will, yet many people pray for faith and are unable to obtain it. Is it right that they should burn?
A Case for Miracles:
Last year I came to believe that Jesus must have performed many of the miracles attributed to him. After all, the enemies of the church did not deny that they happened, but instead argued about the method. The Talmud said he was a sorcerer and lead Israel astray (Sanhedrin 43a:20). Celsus, a Greek philosopher in the 2nd century claimed Christ performed his miracles using Egyptian magic. It wasn't until the Enlightenment that people outright denied them.
Invitation to Respond:
In short, while I would like to believe in something more than the material universe, I have a difficult time accepting the God of Israel. I would like to invite you to provide your own thoughts below. Perhaps you have some counter arguments, or doubts of your own you would like to share.